Election to office
Firstly, I would like to thank my election team, my assistant, my assistants' assistant and all their assistants for their help with my campaign. They have all been wonderful to work with, as has my wife Natalie and my Mistress Ms Dominator. They really put their backs into this election, and Ms Dominator actually put her back out, which allowed me more time on the campaign trail, so thank you to her. I would like also to thank my opponant, Frank Dowe, Laura Snichel, Richard Trite and Garry Jones for running campaigns that were not only well managed but a challenge to overcome. But overcome it I and my team did. And it is with that I say suck it up, losers. I would also like to pay particular tribute to my most vocal opponent in this election, Liam Stringer, whose passing in that freak indoor hanglider electrocution shooting we still puzzle over. I know several of the local constabulary are looking into the exact circumstances, but I am sure it will resolve within three to four w...