Recent Events in my Political Life
Thank you to my constituents for sticking with me during the recent issues. Now they have been resolved, and I am once again a free man, I would like to address some of the issues raised. I do feel I should address certain ‘incidents’ which may have been misrepresented. As to the matter of my alleged sexual impropriety. While it is true I known for my tactile method of management, I did not photograph my buttocks and send the results to younger members of staff. There is absolutely no proof those were my cheeks, and the alleged fact it came from my email cannot be constituted as proof. The accompanying text ‘get a load of these sexy buns!’ is not something I have ever or am likely to ever say. The mere coincidence I was seen with no trousers on, laughing at my desk while pressing send is simply that; as is the testimony that I was seen wiping down the photocopier the same afternoon. I would also like to apologise to my intern, Sian, who claimed I had wandered into her office...