Accusations and hints.

 

Good morning to my constituents. And may I say the hour I spent at St Gordon’s Jumble Sale was one of the most pleasant hours I have spent in a while. I do hope you raised a great deal for the hospital wing, and I am sorry I was very firm about my fee.

This morning I would like to address the scandal regarding Mr Gosling. As you know, Mr Gosling has been in the papers recently after revelations. Let me be clear; I despise any act of sexual activity which hasn’t been consented to or paid for. Anything else is off the table. Or on the table if the money is right.

The accusations are very flimsy, and we must not rush to judgement on them; after all, one of the main tenets of our country is a person is innocent until proven guilty. Yes, there are witnesses. Yes, there is audio. Yes, there are receipts, testimonies, CCTV and cellphone footage. But we must not jump to conclusions. I have known Peregrine for over twenty years, and only ever seen him act inappropriately when drunk or high on drugs. And those occasions may have been hallucinations brought on by my own inadvertent consumption of mushrooms. We cannot judge him on evidence alone. His work in his constituency has been peerless; just ask any of the single Mothers he has taken an interest in helping.

As many of you know I myself was accused of various misdoings. Corruption, assault, misappropriation of funds, lying to Parliament, racism, misogyny and an unmentionable act during a visit to Abergavenny Farmers’ Market. All of those were thoroughly investigated by the Parliamentary authorities and all were found to be vexatious and without foundation. Now it would be very easy for someone in my position to make life very hard for my accusers, but I am not that sort of person. I believe karma will catch up with them, and in several cases it already has.

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