Crime in the local area

 

I would like to address some of the matters constituents have mentioned to me in the course of my recent MP Surgery.

I would like to address, first, Ms Grainger of Dewbury Street who came to see me, anonymously, about the crime in the area. For too long people in this district have felt unable to go out due to the thugs, muggers, gangs and perverts. Indeed, my mailbag is literally bulging with letters of complaint about the issue. I haven’t actually opened any of them, but I am sure they are all of a similar nature.

Let me start by saying the Police do not ‘waste their time’ as so many claim. I was speaking to the Chief Constable while we were playing Golf, and he denied any time was wasted. In fact, he called a meeting of all the officers in his force, and we hammered out these matters over four days. We were so pleased with the consultation, as a reward, we gave everyone the weekend off. Which was unfortunate timing, given Saturday night’s armed robbery.

I appreciate some say it did take a little while for a Police response, but I assure you they were there first thing Wednesday. If there is one thing the Police do not care for, it’s crime.

Recently, a constituent came to me and told me he had been burgled. The miscreants had taken all his wifes’ jewellery and his prize collection of Playboy magazines, dating back decades. Obviously I had questions; had the Police attended? Did he see the faces of the intruders? Did he have the Goldie Hawn centrefold issue?

As an MP there was not much I could do; if they had taken that particular issue then it was probably too late to do anything about it. What about scans? Pictures for insurance? Did he have a smaller picture in his wallet or on his phone? The answer was, tragically, no.

And so, on my constituent’s behalf I contacted the Chief Constable and told him of my constituents’ plight. He was very understanding and straight away asked the sort of questions which validated my faith in the service ‘Did he have the one with Anna Nichol Smith?’ he probed. ‘Yes, he had every single issue’.

Within minutes of my call ending there was a taskforce assembled. Police men from all over the area flocked to solve this most perplexing conundrum. Day and night they worked, some unpaid, to solve this case. CID got involved. Although one local female Police officer labelled the whole investigation ‘pathetic’, but she was considered just bitter as she had been assigned to riot control.

The Police did manage to get the magazines back; a few words in friendly ears gave them leads they followed up. That’s how Police work is done. But there was no proof these particular 736 copies were the same as the 736 stolen from the property, and thus they remain in the evidence locker, safely locked away for when the rightful owner of the 512 editions of that publications step forward. Let us hope for a happy ending.

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