This Government is always working for you

 Good morning to all my constituents this fine, sunny morning. I would like to firstly address the rumor put about by my opponents that my party, and particularly myself, have been taking credit for things over which we have little to no control.

Firstly, we were the first people to congratulate India on their recent Moon mission. Whilst I fully accept offering plaudits is completely different from actual involvement in the project, it was appreciated and therefore clearly elevates our involvement to one of near immersion in this historic event. We also have a number of trained astronauts, capable of at least conquering this frontier. This clearly puts us into the pilot’s seat of the project. I well remember my honourable friend pointing at the Moon in a restaurant in Derby, thereby providing valuable navigation, plus all the figures on the dials and computer readouts were in English, so it really is a British success story.

Then there was the Womens’ World Cup. As you know, we have women in this country, and several of them were on the team. As you know the whole world was watching, on televisions which are quite capable of carrying the English Language commentary, and the English squad were there because in no small measure we have planes and other mechanisms to take citizens all over the world. These facts are all due to a dilligent and attentive Government, and do we get thanks? No. Nor should we expect it. It was unspoken. And sometimes unspoken thanks is the biggest thanks of all. And no one gave their unspoken thanks louder than the English team. We all know that our steerage of the country was a vital part if not soley responsible for the teams victory; we choose not to shout about it, but it is a fact.

The splendid weather we have been enjoying has made me proud. This Government has put forth legislation to require more sunshine, and without hesitation, the weather complied. Our trusty Police were on sites, ready to apprehend any Cumulonimbus, Stratus or Nimbus Cumulus that should breach the law. I am pleased to tell you that no clouds were arrested, thus not placing undue burden on the justice system. We have even offered encouragement to stray cloud formations in the form of the windmills, which aided many of the more errant elements of cirrus to relocate to other areas.

Once again we sought nor expected thanks; it is what any Government does for its’ hardworking and law abiding population.

We also cut disabled benefits. Again, the gratitude is implied.